Baby, I’m Back

I’m back and I’m ready! I am ready to start this new year with fantastic health improvements, athletic endeavors such as I used to do, creativity, and …  I am sitting on the couch in my pajamas at 10 am scratching my ear and finishing my coffee. Hmmmm. 

Did I read that article on Facebook about why to get up early in order to be spectacular? Yes, I did. Did I wake up three times last night due to screaming out-loud nightmares plus one time due to back spasms requiring Advil and my heating pad? Yes, I did. I’m depressed and I don’t sleep well. I don’t sleep well, so I don’t get up well. I don’t DO well. I haven’t written since the election, didn’t even post the blog I had all set to go right before The Day That Divided Time. Everything has felt … shit, I don’t know how to describe how it’s felt, that is why I haven’t written.  I certainly did not feel I had anything to add to the general conversation with thousands of blogs – well, for sure all the ones I follow – expressing the same heartache, shock, fear. Besides, I thought, does any of it even matter?

I’ve been pretty much sinking and I’d like to give a hearty “fuck you” to all those one-size-fits-all articles about how to have a Facebook meme approved life. How to be spectacular on schedule.

As luck would have it, it is the beginning of a new year and a perfect, almost expected, time for the baring of souls. It also is the time for perfectly-encapsulated-answer memes on Facebook which is why I’m here talking and not there talking. This space allows me authenticity of expression (the answer is me, that’s who gives and denies such permissions.) I understand cocktail party etiquette but a life of it is a good reason to step in front of a speeding train. I can’t take it. And we’ve gotten so used to it on social media that I think even close “real” friends only want your polish. Your best selfie, delete the ugly, the awkward! So it seems.

2017. I wish for you a beautiful year and safe spaces for when it isn’t. I’m hoping to step out of the quicksand, continue my new joy in cooking gorgeous,vegan deliciousness and embracing my chances wherever I find myself.


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